He is a practicing psychiatrist and also a Zen master and author of "The Good Life." Follow Robert on Twitter. Robert Waldinger, MD, is a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, and director of Psychodynamic Therapy at Massachusetts General Hospital. Whether it's a thoughtful question or a moment of devoted attention, it's never too late to deepen the connections that matter to you. Or maybe you only have one person you go to for help, or that a person you take for granted actually makes you feel safe and secure.ĭon't be afraid to reach out to the people in your life. Looking at the gaps on the chart, you might realize that you have plenty of people you have fun with, but no one to confide in. Not all of these types of support will feel important to you, but consider which of them do, and ask yourself if you're getting enough support in those areas. Think of this exercise like an X-ray - a tool that helps you see below the surface of your social universe. Remember, it's okay if not all - or even most - relationships offer you all these types of support. Place a plus (+) symbol in the appropriate columns if a relationship seems to add to that type of support in your life, and a minus (-) symbol if a relationship lacks that type of support. The first column is for the relationships you think have the greatest impact on you. Fun and relaxation: Who makes you laugh? Who do you call to see a movie or go on a road trip with who makes you feel connected and at ease?īelow you'll find a table arranged around the seven keystones.Help (both informational and practical): Who do you turn to if you need some expertise or help solving a practical problem (e.g., planting a tree, fixing your WiFi connection).Romantic intimacy: Do you feel satisfied with the amount of romantic intimacy in your life?.Identity affirmation and shared experience: Is there someone in your life who has shared many experiences with you and who helps you strengthen your sense of who you are?.Emotional closeness and confiding: Who knows everything (or most things) about you? Who can you call on when you're feeling low and be honest with about how you're feeling?.Learning and growth: Who encourages you to try new things, to take chances, to pursue your life's goals?.Safety and security: Who would you call if you woke up scared in the middle of the night? Who would you turn to in a moment of crisis?.In our relational lives, there are seven keystones of support: We need others to interact with and to help us. Each of us as individuals cannot provide everything we need for ourselves.
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